I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
