I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
