We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
