google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
