The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
