i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Randomize
