i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
