So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
