Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
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No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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