He asked to "fluff my boner.."
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
