Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
