i think my tv is drunk
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
