The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
