Umm I'm too high to move.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
