It's like God shit irony all over that family
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
