just tell him i said nine months
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
