I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
