You're so nebulous sometimes
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
