He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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