well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
vagina is talking i cant
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
