hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
