I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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