And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
