he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Randomize
