is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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