If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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