She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
