I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You were trust falling into bushes
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
