We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize