I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
