yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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