I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
