we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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