What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
