To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
