Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college

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(917): View more from New York City

well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."

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(909): View more from California

Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there

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(905): View more from Ontario

Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.

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(414): View more from Wisconsin

This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.

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(917): View more from New York City

when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.

(917): View more from New York City

Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.

(347): View more from New York

he is a god among men.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.

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(303): View more from Colorado

That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.

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