cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
