Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
well you can't waste a boner
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Randomize
