just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
