I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
