Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
