Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
