yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
