she looked like the before picture.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
