dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
