opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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