i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
