dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
