now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
