I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
