My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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