He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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