We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
