I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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