fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
