God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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