do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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