Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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