the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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