Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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