so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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