my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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