It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
