You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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