The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
