i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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