we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
